It's been quite a long time since I wrote anything here.

On my rollercoaster ride of life, I'm DOWN again...

Right now, I feel really alone....really sad...depressed...like a complete failure. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. It takes a great deal of effort to appear "okay"...I so badly want to cry. Sucking back tears, and trying to keep up appearances is hard work. I forced myself to go out in a public place this morning around others. I tried to appear cheerful, light-hearted, friendly... I succeeded, but at what cost? I feel even more miserable now.

I'm wondering if there's anyone else out there in blog land who 'forces' themselves to keep up appearances, even when they feel like sh*t.

(If I had a cigarette now, I'd smoke it. I quit a long time ago...but the craving still takes me occasionallly.)

How do others deal with depression?

What can you do, if you recognize it, am going through it, but unable to beat it????

First of all, you are not a failure. Illness and an artistic temperament has oft had me sink into long periods of depression throughout my life.

Wish there was an easy answer, yet there is not. Try to do the best you can, let it out in some form or another. Ranting writing is a help at times. Do things to comfort yourself when and as you can. Pampering, whatever it takes.

One time I said to myself, Screw fighting it, I am just going to sink totally and let it run.

After a while, it just got plain boring, simple as that, so I decided to feel better. Sounds smarmy, yet it did help me.

Blessings and virtual (hugs)
Melissa

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